Sitting around for weeks is turning out to be a useful experience- well, atleast for me.
While the world is taking a break and hiding from danger. While we take time to pray for our safety and the safety of the world.
I have been able to sit down and ask myself the hard questions.
Me and I have surely had some very intimate conversations and today I’ll reveal to you just one of those.
Me: What is that special thing that makes me me?
I: Just being me.
Okay, that was just the beginning of it all before me and I wandered far into my life and made some really profound discoveries.
First I realized the reason I love ME no matter what. Truly guys…I love me!
I’m at that place in life where I look in the mirror and I go like…girl, you are beautiful! And I believe me. No excuses, no explanation. Just taking in the complement and believing it.
Why doubt when it is true?
I look at the beauty that my maker bestowed on me. You see, I haven’t wore any makeup in weeks so I’m talking about the real beauty, the real deal. Not make up beauty.
So I look at that beauty that I truly possess. Not so much about the morphology of the bones and the curves and all, which honestly are also in the right place at the right time. However I look deeper than that and I see the real me.
The girl that has survived so much, swam through the tides and emerged.
I grew up with self doubt- alot of it.
You see, I grew up in western Uganda where you need to be well bodily endowed with a certain number of kilograms on your behind and on your dashboard and then you needed a wasp like middle. I had neither of the above!
But there was hope. When I grow older like those other girls, I’d get all those supporting documents behind and in front.
It didn’t happen!
Then time came and I got married and started making babies and my body started to change.
Finally I was getting those parts and curves that I had always hoped for.
Then, as if the world was conspiring against me, everything changed.
The magazines, the models that were being splashed out in the media, everything was screaming something different; you needed to be thin, thinner and thinnest to be beautiful!
Ha! Why is life being unfair! But never mind, I’d work out and become thinnest again- well I haven’t had much success at this.
What I have discovered in this season however is that I have reached that place where it’s not the curves that define beauty, it’s me.
It’s me showing up in my power and my greatness that is beautiful. It’s me embracing me that is the most beautiful part of me.
Then there was my big mouth.
I have since discovered that I was born to speak and God knew what He was doing when he made me.
But this realisation did not change the fact that I was punished in school everyday for talking a lot and for laughing alot.
The class is making noise ‘Edidah, come here.’ The teacher would say.
Now there is no denying I caused the noise, but what if teachers were trained to identify talent instead of telling me to keep quiet(quite an impossible task). What if I was told to join the debate club (which didn’t exist in my school). What if teachers could support talent instead of shaming it?
What if they were trained to have the skills to guide and to not stop children from being who they are created to be?
So I grew up wanting to be like Rose(not real name). You know that other girl who was always quiet and calm. The one who always volunteered to rub the black board when the teacher asked. The one whose behind danced without her knowing as she rubbed the board.
I mean the girl who was admired by the whole village for how humble, soft spoken and nice she was.
In the end, many suitors were brought to her and she she got married right after primary school- that’s the part I didn’t fancy though because I was too busy making noise to think about suitors.
I remember making a resolve that when I’m grown and married, I’d stop talking alot.
Oh no! When I become a mother!
Finally my last attempt was before my 30th birthday. I had promised myself that I was now turning 30 and I shouldn’t be talking a lot anymore.
All didn’t work, haven’t worked and will never work.
Why not, I have been able to understand now that I was created to Educate, Encourage and Empower through speech.
God knew what HE was doing and what HE wanted me to bring to you.
So I want to tell you my friend; love you, embrace you, believe in you.
You are the best version of you that God thought of when HE created you.
Overcome your doubts, work on your weaknesses- we all have those.
I want to leave you with a few questions:
1) Is self discovery something that resonates with you?
2) Is breaking your limits something you are interested in?
3) Are you willing to move past the limitations that life has placed on you and to pursue the greatest version of you?
I love you. I believe in you and I know you have it in you to grow yourself and become the best you can be and live the life that you dream of.
Come with me, let’s do it!
